It’s lucky for the ants, flies, and spiders that I’m not in charge of the universe. If I were, the functions of insects would be handled by mammalian creatures – cuter, furrier, without windowpane eyes.

But I won’t kill insects. I’ve even saved a few of their lives. They don’t seem overly smart, and will often head obliviously and directly into certain death: flying into the candle flame, jumping into wine-filled glasses, crawling up my leg.

I know it wouldn’t be a good idea to pave over God, but I believe it would make picnics easier.